Tomorrow may rain, so I'll follow the sun

12.01.08

2008-12-01T14:36:00.000-08:00

WORLD AIDS DAY

Just an icebreaker.
♥ ♥
♥ ♥
♥ ♥
Doesn't matter.
It's all love.

Anywhoo, blogging and I have recently rekindled our relationship and settles our differences. Finally back on the market as an exclusive couple. I missed you so much, Blogger.

Let me catch you up on life...

School - This semester SUCKED. I officially have NO clue what I'm doing with life. Regardless of your thoughts (though I do value your opinion on my decisions) I am taking action and doing the following: taking a semester or two off from school, getting my license and changing my name (as and you shall receive...the story, that is) and get a job. Help my family out, if only just a little bit, and spend [more] time with the ones I love. Decide what I'm going to major in, get at LEAST an AA and maybe, but not guaranteed, transfer.

Love - I don't know. Lust, affection and attention seems to be a more prominent thing than love. I don't like anyone...well, anyone solid. I have several hopefuls but nothing else. I hatehatehate being lonely during the holidays. This will be my third year alone. :( sad sad.

Family - is...absolutely out there and insane. Chaotic to put it nicely. But everything is so...blissful...and I finally love and feel loved by them.

Self - Hi. My name is Monica Elizabeth Ortiz and I have self-respect and confidence again. I feel empowered and nothing is getting me down. And I'm going to be nicer to everyone.

Well, bye for now. Gotta continue writing my essay. Ciao!

Vive L'Amour~Princess Peach

10.14.08

2008-10-14T09:12:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: Matt Nathanson - Car Crash

I'm wide awake and so alive
Ringing like a bell
Tell me this is paradise
And not someplace I fell
'Cause I keep on fallin' down

I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright

Just push me 'til I have to fly
I've shed my skin, my scars
Take me deep out past the lights
Where nothing dims these stars
Nothing dims these stars

I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright

So right
It's all wrong

I'm wide awake and so alive

I wanna feel the car crash
I wanna feel the capsize
I wanna feel the bomb drop, the earth stop
'Til I'm satisfied
I wanna feel the car crash
'Cause I'm dyin' on the inside
I wanna let go and know
That I'll be alright, alright

UPDATE:
-Sigh-
I felt like I had one last night, a car crash. Why does it seem like this man gets me, and only me? I guess that's the best kind of artist; one that makes you feel like it was written only for you.
Because I feel transcendent after my own ill-caused pain.
I put on my Rainbows this morning. They didn't fit right. I was wondering who the owner of these misfit sandals. It wasn't me. The me on the inside was broken and so was the outside. Maybe I shed everything over last night's sleep. Because I woke up this morning, struggling to get off the couch, to remove the covers and expose my raw, punctured flesh to the world. I was disappointed in myself. I know she was too, the only person who gets me through it. I want her to know I was almost gonna end it all, but I didn't. I couldn't. She makes me hopeful, that loving friend of mine.

I don't know where my head is, or my heart. They've drifted along somewhere else....somewhere outside of me.

But that was then. Today, I'm happy, I'm ALIVE. And that's the best thing I can ask for. I look better, and feel better. Something happened in last night's dreamless sleep. I can't explain it, but I have a new love for life. And I hope to shine it upon to the world.

On a brighter note...
I love youuuu. <3
[Just everyone.] :D

10.07.08

2008-10-07T14:28:00.000-07:00

Hello, blogging world.
I'm back!

Now Playing: Colbie Caillat - Droplets

I'm leaving you
I'm not sure if that’s what I should do
It hurts so bad
I'm wanting you but can't go back
Trying to find, to find
That all elusive piece of mind
Stuck here somehow
Shrouded beneath my fear
And now I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting for
The droplets, droplets

You left a mark
I wear it proudly on my chest
Above my heart Above my heart
To Remind me that I feel the best
When I'm with you When I'm with you
To me everything is effortless
You know it's true
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone and figured all I'm thinking bout is you, is you my love
And my head is in a cloud of rain and the world it seems so far away and I'm just waiting to fall and sink into your tears

You are like the raindrops, the raindrops falling down on me

You left a mark you left a mark
She left a mark he left
She left he left
And I don’t I don’t
Need it. Need it

I'm over you! I'm over you making me feel like this without telling me ANYTHING in return! You are a huge amount of stress on me, and I can't stand it! Either we're on it or over. Just tell me. I will always be your friend, and sadly, always love you, but I can't stand being in love with you if all you're going to do is jerk me around like a lame dog on a chain.

So, I need to kick it into HIGH GEAR!
BERKELEY // 2010-2012
I'm starting to dislike school, but it can't happen!
NO, MONI! Ok, that's enough of that. :)
I think it's because I'm not socializing with enough people. I need to. Especially that one REALLY HOT guy in my World Religions class. :) Oh, baby. ♥

Haha. I don't know what else to say!

08.23.08

2008-08-23T14:32:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: Maroon 5 - "Nothing Lasts Forever"

It is so easy to see
Dysfunction between you and me
We must free up these tired souls
Before the sadness kills us both
I tried and tried to let you know
I love you but I'm letting go
It may not last but I don't know
Just don't know
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
A bed that's warm with memories
Can heal us temporarily
The misbehaving only makes
The ditch between us so damn deep
Built a wall around my heart
I’ll never let it fall apart
But strangely I wish secretly
It would fall down while I'm asleep
If you don't know
Then you can't care
And you show up
But you're not there
But I'm waiting
And you want to
Still afraid that I will desert you, babe
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
Tough we have not hit the ground
It doesn't mean we're not still falling,
Oh I want so bad to pick you up
But you're still too reluctant to accept my help
What a shame, I hope you find somewhere to place the blame
But until then the fact remains
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes you so hard to stay
Nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way
Everyday
With every worthless word we get more far away
The distance between us makes it so hard to stay
But nothing lasts forever, but be honest babe
It hurts but it may be the only way

I'm gonna learn how to play this song. Sorry, I had to put on the entire lyrics.

Happy 19th birthday, Matt!

Anyways...

I'm in organization mode. Which I only get into when I'm extremely stressed out.

I cleaned pretty much my whole house in two hours. Now I'm doing my closet.

I'm not gonna be spending too much leisure time in my room anymore.

School starts Monday. I'm anxious. Nervous. So nervous. But I know everything's going to work out just fine.

My heart is still beating while it's in pieces. Damn...that hurt more than I anticipated it to.

I hope that I'll have a nice family dinner. Then hopefully Kathy's party thing. I'm psyched.

I watched Enchanted and Across the Universe today. So happy. [:

Can't wait to get back into writing...maybe I'll sketch more now too.

I'm really happy as to where I am in life. I'm looking forward to the future...and even today.

The only downfall is that I've become emotional again...

Really emotional. I guess that's what heartache does to ya.

Anyways, I'm gonna go.

Je t'aime. <3

08.20.08

2008-08-20T15:36:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: Michelle Branch - "Breathe"
"Well it's all so overrated/In not saying how you feel/So you end up watching chances fade/And wondering what's real/And I Give you just a little time/I, Wonder if you realize/I've been waiting till I see it in your eyes..."

Geez, it seems like I haven't done this in ages...it's ridiculous. I am hardly ever at a computer anymore...only through iPhones that really upset me from time to time.

Anyways, this week is the week of take cares, I'll talk to you laters and goodbyes.
Rather sad, seeing as two out of three of my original friends from pre-school are gone. One about 8 hours away at Chico State and the other is in Texas, doing boot camp for the Air Force.
Luckily, I still have one of my best friends here, and I'm sure we'll leave around the same time. [:

I have to be grateful for what I have, but sometimes its...disappointing...
Like when you do everything someone asks of you, and you slip up once, then you fail.
I feel like an outsider everywhere I am.
Hopefully, college will change that.

Speaking of which, I'm registering tomorrow; oaying for my courses, buying my books [well, my dad is...], and finally signing up for financial aid. Yippee.
So excited.

And I've finally found a place where I can go for comfort, to feel important, loved, cared for and not judged. I'm so happy...because I have a sanctuary I can go to whenever I feel unsafe, or scared, or unloved, or just in need of people who love me and love God. My heart is seriously full of love to the people that opened up that door for me...and I am so thankful for them...

Je t'aime. <3

Oww

2008-08-14T23:36:00.000-07:00

I pinched the skin on my eyelid trying to curl my eyelashes today...
And it's swolennn.

It hurts...

Palm Springs until Saturday.
That should be funnn. :D

08.14.08

2008-08-14T16:50:00.000-07:00

I love life.
I love you.

08.13.08

2008-08-13T23:39:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: Jason Mraz ft. Colbie Caillat - "Lucky"
"Can you hear me? I'm talking to you/ Across the water across the deep blue ocean/Under the open sky oh my, baby I'm trying/Yeah I hear you in my dreams /I hear your whisper across the sea /I keep you with me in my heart /You make it easier when life gets hard..."

Alright, gonna say this now; I am typing impaired today...

So...
Day 2 of being nice to the Dragon Lady went well.
Wild Rivers was good. Except for the fact that I suddenly got tremendous pain in my lower torso and had to stop, sleep in the cabana for two hours and jump back onto slides.
I don't care if you read this, you make my day when you call me. Just like you did yesterday.

Today...
Was good. I bombed that freaking final, man.
BOMBED.
But I'm gonna pass this one...ACE it...I HAVE to.
So tomorrow...after I shower....I HAVE to study....very well...
I might die if I don't pass...
Anyways...it was good...good day....kinda weird...
I cleaned! Shockerrrr.
Bigger shocker, I cleaned WELL.
O:
I'm so tired...you have NO idea...
[this isn't really blank, fyi]
Why the hell am I still waiting for you to call?
It's almost midnight.
It's cold outside.
Damn.
I miss you so much.
You have NO clue how much I feel for you.
I want you....I gotta have you...

I must be insane....Yeah, I am.

Je t'aime. <3

Weird

2008-08-11T23:35:00.000-07:00

My sister and I are discussing strange occurrences in life...and my life.
Now I'm realizing how strange I was...and honestly, how gifted I was...and how I really am a vessel for God's works.

Because I suppose that I am somewhat psychic and have a moderate "sixth sense".

It's crazy.

Strange stories about when I was little...about how I would talk to myself on end, tell my family when things would happen before they knew it.

CRAZZZY.

Squeal

2008-08-11T23:22:00.000-07:00

My love.
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
MICHAEL FRED PHELPS III, I love you.

3 down, 5 to go.
Mark Spitz, sorry bud; but you've got served.

I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU!
HUSBAND, I LOVE YOU!

Just don't get another DUI.
[;

<333

Oh, me. Oh, my.

2008-08-11T19:37:00.000-07:00

Oh, how ever could I?

I don't know how that little phrase escaped my fingers...my mind...my heart...

"I love you."
Did I really just say that?

Yeah...I did.
All hell must have broken loose.

But at least, there was a conversation exchanged between us. It seemed...strained. You're still so sad about everything that happened...but I want to really re-assure you that every little thing's going to be alright. Even though you may mock my tacky cliches, I still appreciate the fact that you find my stupidity somewhat humorous. I love the fact that you insist on calling...even after I instilled in you that you have to call me...I cannot believe that I've fallen so hard for you...so
quickly.

I'm gonna wait to see what happens. But I want you more than anything...

I'm not afraid to say it but I am afraid to feel it...
I think I love you.

08.11.08

2008-08-11T16:16:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: Tokyo Police Club - "Tessellate"
"'Cause dire times call for dire faces/So lovely dancer, call and answer/Trade our places in the night/We're running barefoot, you and I/Dead lovers salivate/Broken hearts tessellate tonight..."

Day 1: Attempt at being nice to the Dragon Lady.
Day 1: Fail.
Not kidding. I tried to be nicer to her...but I found myself being upset after she said two words to me. I cannot get myself to forgive her...but I know I need to accept it...and have the optimism that everything is going to get better. I HAVE TO BE PATIENT!

So, I totally bombed my take-home exam. I'm so sad...BOO. ]:
HAHA, that is sooo bad.

But after class was fun. I LOVE my boys.
And it's so fun to make fun of Laura and wake her up. LOVE YOU!
AND MY BF4L got her job! I hope it had something to do with my recommendation. [;
AHHH! Now I just need to own up and grow up...

I'm gonna help my sister clean. I'm spending the night again. Keep them company...and try to cheer up.

Wild Rivers and Jonas Brothers CD tomorrow! <3
AHHHHH! KEVINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

AHHHHHH MICHAEL!
2 down, 6 to go, babe!

Oh, and I watched "In The Land Of Women" again today. I can't help it.

I love you...so much...Cheer upppppp! ]:
Oh, my gad...omg....I said it...
I said it.
I'm scared out of my mind...

Je t'aime. <3

08.10.08

2008-08-10T20:27:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: Coldplay - "Viva La Vida"
"Be my mirror my sword and shield/My missionaries in a foreign field/For some reason I can't explain/Once you go there was never, never an honest word/That was when I ruled the world..."

"Violet Hill" also relates to this blog...

I heard this today after someone said that, besides babysitting, I have never really pleased her with my life.
I felt like bouncing back; because everything is worth fighting for.

"I don't live for you; I live for GOD. If you don't like it, let me go..."
"I try to please you with the things I do, but nothing makes you happy anymore"

I couldn't. I have to be nicer to people. I have to keep some things to myself, but express them somehow.

I want her to be happy again. I don't want things to get worse for her anymore...I want her back to the person I used to know...the person I used to love...before all of this happened...

I'm going to be as good to you as I can...to be as nice to you and respectful to you, and loving to you.
I want to be able to love you as I used to...

Anyways, I had a good day.
Church with a great message.
Looong car ride to hand out flyers for the business.
Sweating my face off handing out flyers...sooo hot.
Lunch/nap at grandma's.
Shopping
Here...watching Women's Gymnastics DOMINATE. [THE FLOOR! They keep falling...]

So, I managed to buy a ring behind my mother's back...Tehe.
It's just a small thing I got from Target...Super cute though. Thin band with a rather large fake gem in the middle. Très beau, in my opinion.
Anyways, there is a point to this ring. It's going to serve as a purity ring, since I cannot afford to buy one and really see no purpose for paying that much money. To me, as long as I'm reminded, I'll keep my promise to Him...because I love Him more than anything this world has to offer...

Anyways, I still find myself missing him every single moment.
I hope he's okay...even though I know he's hurting epically inside...
I want to see him as soon as I possibly can...I want to give him a HUGE hug and let him know that everything will be okay...because I'm here...and honestly...because I like him a whole lot.

I'm so afraid to fall in love with him. Even though I know I already am...AHHH.
I'm afraid to trust you...I'm afraid to hold you too close...I'm afraid...I'm afraid you'll break me down. I'm afraid you'll leave. I'm afraid...
I'm afraid to fall in love.

But why, when after all these years, I'm stronger than I've evr been...
I've changed so much.

I get bored when I'm not doing SOMETHING.
I always have to be doing SOMETHING, or else I feel lazy or I sleep.
I'm afraid to trust people and suddenly feel afraid of becoming too close.
I'm really meticulous about things now...if things aren't in their place, I freak.
I'm afraid of showing too much emotion...
I'm so different.

Oh, snap.
I still haven't done my take-home exam.
SHOOOOOOT.
UGHHGHGHGKJSKLJLKALKHKJAHKJHKJDHKJHJGFSKLLLL.

Son of a mother.
Due tomorrow...30 points that I neeeddd.
I'm outtie!

Je t'aime. <3

08.09.08

2008-08-09T19:46:00.001-07:00

Song Playing: Dashboard Confessional - "Bend And Not Break"
"I'm talented at breathing/Especially exhaling/So that my chest will rise and fall with yours..."

Probably my cheer-up song of the century.
*Sigh*
I have to keep this in mind...
"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." ~Plato

I've been super heartless lately, and that needs to stop.
Regardless of people mistreating me and making me feel like scum, I should cheer them up.

RULES: (keep me in check, kay?)
-No more gossiping/talking behind others' backs/the like.
-No more yelling at people. My patience needs to be revived...
-Just...smile at people. :D

Jesus, I miss someone.
A lot.
A hell of a lot./:
I think I want this more than I have wanted something in a LONG time.
It's really insane.
I know it sounds super cliche...but...Pink Floyd's "Comfortably Numb"
Totally captures what I'm feeling.
I wanna take your pain away...I really wish I could.
And I wish I could call you babe and make things better.
But I can't...not yet...
It breaks me to live another day without you.

Geez, I'm a hopeless romantic...

Je t'aime. <3

Weird...

2008-08-09T19:46:00.000-07:00

My horoscope for Today:

Quickie
Be careful of making any solid assessments of people -- objectivity is hard, today.

Overview
Your devotion to someone or some cause is your top concern today and you should find it easier than ever to help them with whatever they need. You should try to get deeper insight into their ways.

Mhmmmmm. /:

Please, forgive my language...

2008-08-08T23:43:00.000-07:00

But the Olympics are bitching.

LITERALLY.
Well, the Opening Ceremony has been but I live for the Olympics...so to me, it means almost everything. It's so overwhelming. I feel like crying; I'm just so amazed...The Parade of Nations is up next. <3!
Jesus, I feel...ahh. IDK! I LOVE THE FREAKIN' OLYMPICS!

Yes, I'm a nerd. But when I watch the Olympics, it makes me feel like all the nations in the world can unite for a common purpose, and have it not be gasoline or war. That we can participate in events and somehow, feel peace for two weeks.

Anyways, my sister Alejandra's wedding was...distinct.
She and John are Buddhists...which is totally out of my beliefs. But honestly, it was pretty awesome. Totally Buddhist ceremony. Afterwards, a potluck. Yeah, I know that sounds "strange" but it was THEIR wedding and they wanted it to be multi-cultural. Which happened. Everything from Japanese Rolls and desserts, to fried chicken and strawberry pie [Tehe, Caitlyn.] it was amazing. Then, some LIVE, REALLY GOOD reggaeton and dancing...in heels and a minidress<3
Then, a slideshow of the Newlyweds. Awwwwe. [:

And Miss Chloe came home today! I missed her bunches. <3
LOVE YOU BAYBEEEEEH!

Now, I'm sitting in my sister's living room, watching the Parade of Nations. Madagascar. OMG I love the Olympics. Oh, and my goddaughter....so cute. I missed her and my sister to bunches of pieces...

Sorry, but for the next couple of days, I'm gonna rant and rave about these Games. :D
LOVES IT!

OMG MACEDONIAN MEN ARE HAWT.
HAWTTTTTT.
I think his name was Murad Ramazanov. And he was hot for a second...But apparently, thee interwebz hates Macedonia...dumb people! So I can't find my newfound lover. BOO. LOL.

Wow. I'm tired. And my maybe sprained ankle hurts like a frappuccino.
OH, BRAZIL.
Oops, I spilled over into my 08.09.0 Blog. Yeeeeh.

Je t'aime. <3

08.08.08

2008-08-08T15:28:00.000-07:00

Now Playing: The Beatles - "Mr. Moonlight"
"Mr. Moonlight, come again please/Here I am on my knees/Begging if you please/And the night you don't come my way/I'll pray and pray more each day"

I haven't listened to that song in ages...

08.08.08
8.
Infinity when flipped sideways.
What the hell am I saying?

I don't have much to say today. It's caught me by surprise...
My day is actually...smooth.

:D
Gotta get ready. Taking my 35mm to the wedding.
One of my sister's getting married...weird...
Gonna spend the night at another Sister's house with my Goddaughter.
So cute. <3

Hmm, I should probably stop before I get in too deep.
With...this...[;

Je t'aime. <3

Insert Ridiculous Stunned Laughter Here

2008-08-08T09:17:00.000-07:00

The "Jimmy Hilton" is NO MORE.
That's right.
I'm STUNNED.
It deleted it's MySpace.

HAHAHAHAHA.
It must be one of my blog readers. ^^

Last post inspired/sponsored by...

2008-08-07T23:13:00.001-07:00

Amanda Lorber.
Tehe. [;

<3

Just...thinking

2008-08-07T23:13:00.000-07:00

Let's face the facts here: I've been well known for being the bitch for my class.
Correct? Yes. If you don't think so, you obviously didn't care.

Because I'll be the first to admit that I was. Going as far as to publicly slander some of my "friends" in my own newspaper publication. HA. I am a bitch.

Ask any one of the popular girls and maybe even some of the guys...I was well-disliked.
I thought I was the mean girl (minus the overall popularity, stick thinness, alcoholism and the bleach blonde extensions) and I was the self-proclaimed gossip girl. I listened to everything...and knew what was going on everywhere.

Well, seems as if I've been dethroned.

This new entity "Jimmy Hilton" (via MySpace) is "spilling the juice" on current and former El Modena students.

And it's NOT me. :D
Or another friend of mine who shall remain nameless. <3

It's 'About Me' reads:
" "Once you enter high school, your business is everyone's business"

Basically, I'm the Gossip Girl, Perez Hilton, or whatever of a place you all know too well. We are a group of people who decided that, some people need to keep themselves in check, and so we decided that hey you wouldn't do stupid things if everyone ended up knowing about it so, we decided to start this. Oh yeah and if you are a teacher or a parent, don't try and get this deleted, its the only way for you to know whats going on with your kids" "

Honestly, I think it's a group of administrators or really funny jokesters trying to get back at their friends because they secretly hate them. Or Joel McHale. HAHA. Or maybe it's the royal group from the PTSA. HAHA!

But really...that's cynical. That's just about what I would do. Well...would have done.

This is the equivalent of Chris Lim doing that El Modena video...y'know, the one with all the stupid and obscene pictures of students? If he did it...even though he 'admitted' it in the Senior Paper...this might even be better.

Chances of this "blogger" being factual in his disses: 7.
He's got one right...

Well, "Jimmy" or "Jemima" as I shall call you (my tranny accomplice; since your gender is unidentified), you have indeed done something...wild. But I will enjoy your works as something to laugh at. Even if you end up publishing something about me. ^.^

Je t'aime. <3

Random Thought [08.07.08]

2008-08-07T19:41:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: OneRepublic - "Won't Stop"
"You take this hand/You take this heart/Steal my bones/From 1000 miles apart/Feels so cold/Felt just like its ten shades of winter/And i need the sun..."

Just won't stop...just won't stop, no.
I need to stop using my dearest Emily as my diary. This is why I initially started a blog...isn't it? LOL.
Might as well, vent. To myself, and Alex. Because I think he's the only one who looks at this from time to time...
Anyways, I miss you. Times a thousand.

Haha, anyways....I dunno.
I keep switching channels between the Food Network Challenge and Hippies on BIO.
What alternate axes I go through...

So, I'm helping a friend...who's going through alot of stuff I've gone through.
And she's a new friend. I barely know her...but I can't help but help her.
I hope she makes it through. Actually, I know she will...

JONAS BROTHERS ON THE SYTYCD finale!
OMG OMG OMG
<333333333

And omg
Flirt much?
I feel guilty even thought I shouldn't.

I <3>

I'm bored...so here's a list of clothing items I need...I haven't gotten new clothes in a year.
Besides the obvious dresses for occasions.
-Jeans - 3 pairs.
-Shirts - Like a dozen.
-New swimsuit.
-DUH.
-Shoes...I need flats, Converse, Tennis Shoes, and some heels.
-Skirts.
-Dress clothes.

Yeah, that's it. I'm outtie.

Je t'aime. <3

OMG - US Olympic Team

2008-08-07T16:44:00.000-07:00

Paul AND Morgan Hamm.
Out.
Withdrawl.
FAIL.

Guys, we're gonna lose Men's Gymnastics to the Russians.
UPDATE: Or the Chinese.
Damn.

http://sports.yahoo.com/olympics/beijing/gymnastics/news?slug=ap-gym-mhammout&prov=ap&type=lgns

OH YEAH!

2008-08-07T13:12:00.000-07:00

I just remembered what I had forgotten...

I've realized how long it's been since I've seen Mulan.
And Tyler, Stanly, Paul, Jericho and Jose came to mind...when they wanted to do it for Coffee Night.

I miss you people. ]:

08.07.08

2008-08-07T12:39:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: Train - "Drops of Jupiter"
"Can you imagine no love, pride, deep-fried chicken/Your best friend always sticking up for you even when I know youre wrong/Can you imagine no first dance, freeze dried romance five-hour phone/Conversation/The best soy latte that you ever had . . . and me?"

Funny how all these things have happened in one week.

I love irony.
[:

So today I learned about horizontal acedotes...at least that's what Vargas called them...he's a math professor, not an English major...anyways...it's the theory that no matter how close a line gets to an axis, it will never touch it.

I hope this is the distance talking, because I'm not sure if I still like him.
I mean, I know I do...but I'm hesitant. I hope it works out!
Sooo much...I'm tired of failed relationships.

Anyways, these past days have been smooth. I've woken up happy [with the exception of today; that was the excess malt and strawberry flavors speaking lol.] But really. I've been happy. And okay with my mom...

I love the power or prayer. [:
Hehe.

Anyways, I think our little trip to Vegas should be a nice...nice change. Spend some time with the family so that we get back on track...it'll be good.

Sister's getting married on Friday...
That's surreal.
She's settling down....wow.

And then Olympics.
BEIJINGGGG BABY.
Paul Hamm. ]:
Michael Phelps. <3
Aaron Peirsol. <3
[I need to get back in the water!!!]

Anyways, I have to babysit. BLEH.
I had something else to say but I lost it...]:

Je t'aime. <3

08.05.08

2008-08-05T12:00:00.000-07:00

Song playing: The Spill Canvas - "All Over You"
"In my daydreams, in my sleep/Infatuation turning into disease/You could cure me, see all you have to do now is please try/Give it your best shot and try/All I'm asking for is love..."

Jesus, I gotta pee. BRB.
[That sounds soo lame on a blog. I gotta say.]

Anyways, today is Max's birthday. Such a cool guy. And totally attractive. I don't care if you read this; I don't intend on hiding things from anyone anymore. [:

Today has been full of laughter, and squirrel tattoos. HAHA. OMG, regardless of my suffering, my class is amazing. And Emily knows just how to cheer me up.

So, two sandwiches, compulsive lying and a bus ride later, I found myself wanting to be strangled.

I'm leaving. I'm over this. She's pisses me off.
I don't even wanna blog. I'm soooo angry with them.
I don't wanna be home. I'd rather be studying quadratic functions than trying to figure out my own flesh and blood.
I'm glad that you're not dying; regardless of people's nightmares; I still wish you were out of my life for now.

I know it's no good to wish your mother gone, or that she was out of your life. But she has hurt me more in the past month than she will EVER hurt my in my entire life.

I want out. I never signed a binding contract. I want out...now.
I want a new life, for once.

I need a job, to pay for my own education, food, clothes, transportation, and home.
I need myself to get out of this.
Me, and only me.

I'm so angry and sad, that tears escape me. I can't even cry. How sad.

Yeah, anyways...life.
I wanna run even though I know my lungs will collapse if I attempt it. I've tried already today. I'm hacking up phlegm. Beaut.

F my F. Serio.

Je t'aime. <3

New love.

2008-08-04T20:12:00.000-07:00

Ahh.
I never thought much of your before but WOW.
WOW.
Everyone should watch "In The Land Of Women"
WOW.
Adam Brody.
WOW.

Je t'aime. <3

Idiotic Synchronicity [08.04.08]

2008-08-04T16:57:00.000-07:00

Song Playing: Coldplay - "X&Y"
"You and me are floating on a tidal wave together; you and me are drifting into outer space..."

Taking a break from the sightless monotony that is illness. I'm tired of laying in bed, staring at Adam Brody and Kristin Stewart's chemistry in the film "In The Land Of Women". I'm tired of sipping green tea from my golden yellow mug and feeling completely and utterly hopeless about my return to health. I'm tired.

Even more the reason why I should be in bed, right?

I've watched too much television on a Monday:
*Food Network (given)
*"Never Been Kissed"
*"Serendipity"
*"In The Land Of Women"

I can't breathe properly, but at least I can speak.
Maybe it's due to watching hot men on the tube.

I had a point to hop into this itchy, flat reclining computer seat and start typing into a new post.
But it's escaped me.

Maybe I'm overthinking the fact that, soon, something miraculous may happen in this place called home. So many emotions run through me while I see that word. Home...HOME...

Maybe I've lost a sense of where my real home is.
Because constant yelling, bickering, slamming doors, secretive whispers and awkward hugs don't feel like home.
It's probably just me.

My sunburn turned into a tan, but it still burns.
I know, random.

It's been about 12 hours. And already my heart feels like crying.
I'm awestruck at how quickly I jumped into this.
Maybe...maybe...

Perhaps, it is coming true. And I hope you feel it too.

I'm going to go shower...might as well do something productive in the next 5 hours.
Besides the obvious.

I should study. As of today, I have a 74% in Math 080.
I need to haul ass and get help. I don't understand this.
3 final tests next week. My last week.
I can't let myself down.

Yeah, that's it. My throat is itchy. Back to green tea and romance movies. Because that's all I can wish for.

Je t'aime. <3

08.04.08

2008-08-04T10:07:00.000-07:00

Song playing: PCD - "When I Grow Up"
"Be careful what you wish for cuz you just might get it..."

Last night, I thought about playing hookey from class, prentending I was sick. Little did I know that antigens were working their faces off, trying to fight off virus with their bare hands and slimy nun-chucks.
I feel like I got whacked by A-Rod with a metal bat...across the face, throat and chest.
Yeah.
Only blog for today. I feel like dying.

Je t'aime. <3

08.03.08

2008-08-03T17:49:00.000-07:00

Song playing: Aerosmith - "Jaded"
"In all its misery it will always be what I love and hated. And maybe take a ride to the other side we're thinkin' of..."

I'm not entirely sure about the ethics of blogging and I could honestly care less. I put this blog up to pretty much have an insight for my friends and family members about my life, and what I'm feeling.
Basically, a public diary.

My friend said that with that understanding and the "spot on" definition, I am officially ready to blog.

Well, as of lately, my life seems pretty much according to plan, or what I suppose is plan.
I have some recent revelations, some of them just a tad later than I anticipated...

1. After high school, EVERYTHING changes. Your views on life, love, and politics. You are suddenly sure of who you are, not bound by conflicting standstills in maturity. Friends change, and suddenly decide to leave your life or go forth in your endevours, never letting go of your hand. As well, friends that were estranged suddenly become found. It's bittersweet but part of growing up, I suppose.

2. Today, something struck me harder than lightning strikes a tree trunk. I have been really lukewarm with God. I have been partial to His blueprints for my life, just sitting down on the kitchen table, staring at each other, bickering with one another. I really have to dive into His love fully again. Summer's always the hardest time for everyone...there's always so much going on and we fall...but I'm ready to get back onboard.

3. I need to tune my guitar, because I'm getting rusty again. I need to start jogging again, because I'm getting sloppy in more ways than one. I need to communicate better with my family, because they're thinking that I'm turning into another wild child. I need to take better care of myself, because I'll end up getting hurt...again.

3.5. The Jonas Brothers only get hotter.

4. I've been somewhat of a more independent self lately. I've been going out alot more, being kinder to myself and my family [with the exception of me STILL throwing my phone at my vanity] and honestly, letting people think whatever they may of me, because when you judge, you close your own doors.

And that's all I can muster for now. Well, in my epiphanies at least.

Besides that...

TASK: Choose five people in your life. Say a blurb about each person, but do not mention their names.

1. I think I'm falling in love with you. I know because I haven't felt this feeling for such a long time. Everytime I talk to you, I melt. I don't know what it is, honestly. I think we should both stop avoiding and come to terms with the truth; We would be more than perfect together and perfect for one another. You may not be my prince charming or knight in shining armor, but you sure are the sun that warms my heart.

2. You are my absolute best friend. I can trust you with everything, except my clothing. Haha. I would rather lose everything else in this world than lose you. I gotta say you upset me sometimes but I really can never stay angry at you. EVER. You are the peanut butter to my jelly. Forever, girl.
(Gave that one away.)

3. You are the only person who has left my life that I would give my right limbs to have you here again. You introduced me to the most important people ever and to the most important concepts of my life. There hasn't been a day that has gone by that I don't think about you at least once. I know that you would give anything to be back, but you're following Him, not me. I miss you more than words can express.

4. I wish I never knew you. I wish that you would have never crossed my path; I wish to God that you would have kept walking. You have brought nothing significant into my life. I have no idea why I keep talking to you when you text or call. You have had me sitting on the edge of my seat since the first time I saw you, because people can never believe you. I have been interested before but for all the wrong reasons. My one mistake.

5. I've always loved you for the wrong reasons. You've always been there for me, but honestly, I don't know how much more of you I can stand. You have put so many things in front of God and have put so many people before me, your "best friend". I must admit, I love you but I don't know if I can anymore. It drains me to be with you. I feel like I have a child; you drain me so much. I've gotta let you go somehow.

Yeah, that's all.
Until tomorrow.

Je t'aime. <3

Hello all

2008-08-02T17:58:00.000-07:00

I'm new to blogging, and decided to make one just for the fun of it. I hope you enjoy.
First blog should be up tonight. [: